“Dear T.O. Boys, FACT: As we grow and mature our needs change; our capabilities change, our desire for intimacy and closeness changes. Developing a strong sense of self awareness will help you realize these changes. Developing strong communications skills will help you alert your partners to these changes and renegotiate your relationships to a win-win space. #AdultSexEdMonth”
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June 2013
18 posts
“Dear T.O. Boys, FACT: Anatomy lessons aren’t just for surgeons. Take some time, pick up a textbook, and do some exploring. The better you know how all the moving pieces work, the better you will be able to work with them. #AdultSexEdMonth”
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“Dear T.O. Boys, FACT: Sexual pleasure can be dependent on many things, including comfort levels, safety, being in the right mood, and location or position. - Be attentive to yourself, to your partner, and to your surroundings. Things will not be perfect everytime, but modifications can be made to make things better. #AdultSexEdMonth”
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“Dear T.O. Boys, FACT: Kinky and vanilla are but two flavours in a vast range of sexual choices. Picking one does not mean I cannot have the other whenever I want it. The same liberties apply to you. #AdultSexEdMonth”
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“Dear T.O. Boys, FACT: Having an STI is a medical problem, not a moral one. Every individual has an obligation to protect themselves from STIs, and to avoid passing along an infection to a partner. - Get it together. Look after yourself and your partner. #AdultSexEdMonth”
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“Dear T.O. Boys, FACT: You can’t tell just by looking at someone or talking to someone that he or she is infected with an STI or carrying an STD. The only way to be sure is to be tested. If you are sexually active and having intercourse or starting a sexual relationship with someone new, you and your partner should both be tested for STIs - before having sex, and then again three months later. #AdultSexEdMonth”
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“Dear T.O. Boys, FACT: Do not have sex again if you or your partner(s) have not fully completed treatment, or if you are still displaying symptoms of a sexually transmitted infection. Remember, you can become reinfected immediately after your infection clears up. - Stay safe, for yourself, and your partner. #AdultSexEdMonth”
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“Dear T.O. Boys, FACT: Viral infections involve many different parts of the body at the same time. There are four viral STIs: Genital Herpes, HIV, Hepatitis B and HPV. - Know what the visible symptoms look like on yourself and your partner, what the incubation periods are, what the treatment involves and what the lag time is. Anything else is irresponsible. #AdultSexEdMonth”
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“Dear T.O. Boys, FACT: The sooner the morning after pill is taken, the better it works. It does not interrupt pregnancy or put an embryo at risk if a fertilized egg implants. - Say something immediately if you have a concern – the longer you wait, the worse it will be for everyone involved. #AdultSexEdMonth”
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“Dear T.O. Boys, FACT: Sexual arousal begins in the brain. That is, your brain responds to a sexy thought or image, or having a feeling of closeness or affection toward a partner, or the touch of a partner by sending signals to the rest of your body, especially the genital area. - If you can’t or won’t engage my brain, you probably shouldn’t bother with the exercise at all. Learn what works best for you, and for your partner before you move forward. #AdultSexEdMonth”
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“Dear T.O. Boys, FACT: The most effective method of preventing STIs is to use a male or female condom for every act of vaginal or anal intercourse, as well as using a male condom or dental dam for oral sex, every time. This is not something you can question, negotiate or work around. Find a brand that fits, and that you like the feel of sooner than later. #AdultSexEdMonth”
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“Dear T.O. Boys, FACT: While not technically considered an STI, a yeast infection can be passed through sexual contact. - Stay informed of the risk factors and symptoms. Look after yourself, and your partner. #AdultSexEdMonth”
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“Dear T.O. Boys, FACT: A good sexual relationship takes work and communication. If you pretend that everything feels good, your partner will take the wrong cues, and things will never get better! If you pretend things are perfect for too long, your partner is going to feel pretty lousy when you finally do bring things up. - Sometimes, it’s better to be upfront and fix the little things, before they become the intolerable things. #AdultSexEdMonth”
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“Dear T.O. Boys, FACT: How you feel about sex is really personal to you, so you really are opening up when you talk to your partner about it. It’s the same for him or her. Just as you expect your partner to respect what you have to say, it’s important to be open to and respectful of what your partner tells you. #AdultSexEdMonth”
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“Dear T.O. Boys, FACT: As a grown up you are responsible for recognizing the importance of your sexual health as part of your overall well being. You are also responsible for working together with all of your partners to build a stronger culture of healthier and happier sex positive individuals engaging in healthy sexual behaviours. #AdultSexEdMonth”
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“Dear T.O. Boys, FACT: As a sexually active individual your sexual health is about how you protect your partner and yourself, now and in the future, from diseases and emotional harm. To do anything less is irresponsible, and frankly, despicable. #AdultSexEdMonth”
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“Dear T.O. Boys, FACT: Healthy sexuality is an important aspect of your health and well-being. It is more than avoiding sexually transmitted infections or unplanned pregnancy. Healthy sexuality is about the range of factors that affect your overall health and well-being as well as your sexual health. #AdultSexEdMonth”
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“Dear T.O. Boys, June is Adult Sex Ed month. For you benefit, and mine (actually mostly mine) here are things you should know about keeping yourself and your partner safe. For more watch the #AdultSexEdMonth tag on twitter.”
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May 2013
31 posts
“Dear T.O. Boys, I’m sure your misogynistic, racist attitude will serve you well with “all the black girls who are easier to bang than brown ones” I look forward to hearing their stories about your supposed success.”
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“Dear T.O. Boys, Are you really surprised that I haven’t responded? 70% of your messages are requests for revealing photographs. I appreciate that you’re visual creatures, but you can find that sort of eye candy elsewhere for free.”
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“Dear T.O. Boys, It’s quite clear that this exercise isn’t a social experiment to you. I would never have considered it one, because experiments require some knowledge of the properties involved, an identified potential outcome, thoughtfulness and rigor, and you haven’t identified, or demonstrated any of those.”
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“Dear T.O. Boys, You may want to consider abandoning the practice of holding thoughts as truths. Ask clarifying questions early, and often. It will prevent hurt feelings far more effectively.”
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“Dear T.O. Boys, When you text me without identification, and I ask who you are, please don’t identify yourself as being “from the internet” - you didn’t create it and you likely aren’t an adequate representative of it. The more specific you are, the better the quality of conversation will be.”
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“Dear T.O. Boys, While I appreciate the explanation, you should know that saying this is an ineffective approach - “I like my partners weaker. A good friend of mine said I’m attracted to insecure and needy women. That is why I think your cute.” - We’ve never met. Reading an online profile doesn’t equate to knowing me, much less being able to conclude anything about me…so what you think at this point, frankly, doesn’t matter. Further, given your tendency to jump to ridiculous conclusions, I see no reason to change your thinking.”
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“Dear T.O. Boys, I agree, love is a strange and many splendored thing. However, loving someone does not translate to understanding them. Love is not required to understand someone, and one does not have to understand someone to love them. You may want to do some reading and conceptualization exercises before you try this again.”
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“Dear T.O. Boys, Don’t start things you can’t finish, especially when you haven’t thought them through. I will ensure things come to their logical end, and you will probably regret it.”
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“Dear T.O. Boys, You just appropriated my cultural heritage and then attempted to tell me how to “correct” my behaviour so I can embody a more traditional, stereotypical vision of female agency and sexuality. Did you really think that would go well?”
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“Dear T.O. Boys, When I wake up next to you and immediately reach for pain medication, it’s a clear sign that you’ve done it wrong. Thanks for trying, though.”
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“Dear T.O. Boys, When the best part of our lunch date was lunch, I think we should both seriously consider other options. Immediately. Thanks for making the effort.”
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“Dear T.O. Boys, Terms of endearment in the 2nd conversation? It’s an interesting way to strip words of value, I suppose. I hope that strategy continues to work for you.”
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“Dear T.O. Boys, Over the course of two conversations you’ve called me a bitch, a robot and a heartless sadist. Now you’ve decided you love me. I hope you can see exactly how you’re setting yourself up for disappointment in the long term.”
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“Dear T.O. Boys, When you open a conversational exchange with “Bite Me” you should know that it will not be taken seriously, and that your results will be far from profitable. If you “need” to find connection so badly, maybe you should try a more civilized approach. Issuing commands never goes over well.”
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“Dear T.O. Boys, I will miss your vivid, if misguided, imaginations and your tendency to jump to illogical conclusions. I’m polite to you, because that’s who I am. It doesn’t mean I love you. I barely know you - and at this rate, given your tendency to make ridiculous assumptions, I don’t really see the point in doing so.”
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“Dear T.O. Boys, If you think the fact that I made lunch reservations is bourgeois, then perhaps we shouldn’t be eating together. There is a process in place that ensures I don’t have to jockey for my favourite table - why wouldn’t I use it to get what I want? Anything else would be utterly ridiculous. That said, if you read my preference for efficient practice as indicative of my politics, you may want to rethink your methodology.”
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“Dear T.O. Boys, If you open your foray into sustained communication with “Hi Breathtaking”, and end your first message with “P.S. You’d look deadly with fangs.” it’s highly likely I won’t respond because I’m really not interested in interacting with someone who spends their life living out Twilight fan fiction. The same rules apply to all the Christian Gray wannabes.”
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“Dear T.O. Boys, Nothing makes me feel better about myself than when you tell me you don’t believe I can execute complicated, intricately detailed projects because I happen to have a broad set of divergent interests. It’s great reason for me to discount your invitation to move in with you and use those skills to enrich your life once I’ve demonstrated them.”
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“Dear T.O. Boys, I’m pretty clear about what I want, and how I want it. Before you propose modifications (i.e. adding a “two handed butt squeeze” to the perfect hug) I suggest you try the original as described. I’m not going to consider a modification to perfection unless I know you can deliver perfection. If you can, frankly, you can modify it as you please.”
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“Dear T.O. Boys, You stood me up twice, made a number of empty promises, periodically initiated conversations where you mined my personal experiences for fantasy fodder, and now expect me to believe you want to be friends so you can continue this pattern? While your definition of friendship is utterly fascinating, I hope you’ll understand that I’ve no interest in being a resource you use and shelve when convenient. Thanks for the offer, friend.”
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“Dear T.O. Boys, Either use real words and full sentences, or go back to attempting to seduce 18 year olds, but make a decision. We’ll all be better for it, or at the very least, I will.”
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“Dear T.O. Boys, If you already have all the answers, and are completely certain you’re correct, why are you asking me the questions? I’m sure there’s an app you can program to stroke your ego at specified times, you really don’t require me to do that.”
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“Dear T.O. Boys, I appreciate that you think of me, but you really don’t need to text me and tell me about it, unless there’s a deliverable, or action required. This is especially true if it’s been over 3 months since our last conversation.”
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“Dear T.O. Boys, When you propose a hypothesis about sexual chemistry and want to test it, and I propose a series of thought experiments, instead of physical ones, it would be prudent to take the hint and move on to more fruitful prospects, instead of insisting that physical experiments generate better “quality” results.”
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“Dear T.O. Boys, Please, don’t text me in the middle of the afternoon during a work day, unless: you are cancelling an appointment, rescheduling an appointment, or clarifying details for an appointment for the same day or the following one. I have real things to do. Entertaining you because you don’t find your work engaging enough is not one of them.”
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“Dear T.O. Boys, So you did something we talked about doing, and thought of me after the fact, and then thought it prudent to tell me about it, since you didn’t invite me to the event we’d talked about. Am I supposed to be flattered? You may want to rethink your approach.”
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“Dear T.O. Boys, Want know why I don’t ever reschedule the dates I cancel with you? Because you act like insufferable little children. I’m not going to lead you on, “make” you wait, and then choose work over you again. I’d much rather deal with your tantrum once, and only once.”
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“Dear T.O. Boys, While I can be inattentive, I’m not an idiot. Changing your screen name, your preferred email address, and your profile pictures may buy you a little bit of time, but eventually you’ll let a detail slip, and I’ll remember exactly who you are, and why I declined your invitations to begin with. You may want to rethink the strategy on this one.”
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“Dear T.O. Boys, It’s not that what you say isn’t offensive. At it’s core, it is. It doesn’t offend me because you don’t matter to me, and your words have no weight. Please make note of the difference, before you try your approach on someone else.”
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“Dear T.O. Boys, Think this blog post it about you? You’re probably right. It is. How are you going to ensure that the next one isn’t? HINT: The correct answer does not involve impairing my blogging abilities”
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“Dear T.O. Boys, I’m not sure what your intended impact is when you invite me to hook up after a year of not communicating, and the state that while you don’t remember what I look like, but you’re certain it’s acceptable because you don’t talk to “ugly” girls and delete their phone numbers. Did you really think I’d see it as a compliment?”
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April 2013
30 posts
“Dear T.O. Boys, Did you really just ask me to schedule regular text messaging breaks into our first date? If you can’t ignore your phone for a couple of hours, I don’t think it’s worth clearing that time in my schedule for you.”
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